It's been quite a while since I've had time to sit down with my thoughts. I remember thinking that the boys kept me busy when they were babies, and back then I believed that things would only get easier and less busy as they grew. How wrong I was!
Yes, things are easier...or at least some things are. No, I do not have to change diapers. That was a blessing. When you have two little boys, who are only born eleven months apart, you change a lot of diapers. It was wonderful when they started running to the potty on their own. They feed themselves, and they dress themselves. So, basic day to day needs for the boys are much easier.
However, as some things get easier, others become more challenging. Out of diapers and into trouble; at least that was the way it went with mine. As my boys grow they get busier and busier. I no longer have to leave the house to stay busy--I can do that at home. Chasing kids down off the outside of our twenty foot tall stair banister, cooking, picking up the house repeatedly, laundry, dishes, breaking up fights, etc...my days are busy. Some days I can hardly wait for bedtime because I don't believe I have even half the energy that my boys do each day, and I am truly exhausted.
No matter how exhausted I become, though, nothing will ever be better than when my busy little boy (whichever one it is at the particular time) crawls into my lap and says, "Mama, I love you. I want to cuddle." When the boys let me sit with them on the couch and read, watch TV, whatever, it's so very special.
I used to look forward to the changes that life would bring. I counted the days until my boys would do one thing or another. I have stopped doing that. I no longer wish the days away, and I no longer count time. Richard Wilbur wrote, "These sudden ends in time must give us pause," I am just going to cherish every moment I am given with my sons.
I know that the day will come when Joseph no longer wants me to walk him to the school, let alone hug him in public. I know that someday the boys will stop crawling into my lap. So for now, I hang on to the kisses they give me, the times they sit on my lap, and even the smudges of Doritos on my newly washed sweatshirt.
Tired, busy, sometimes cranky and seemingly unappreciative...but I am extremely blessed.
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